raw

Some unused, unedited outtakes. The first photo was actually taken on accident in a clumsy attempt at turning my camera off. There's nothing much 'special' about the photos, nothing that would immediately grasp your attention when giving them a quick glance; but all the same they each somehow captured a moment I may have otherwise forgotten, and remind of the very moment in time they were taken.

I've been at home sick all week (bronchitis and a sinus infection) and thought I would devote much of my down time to writing some lengthy and well written posts, and then... nothing. I tend to be a positive person, I try so hard to see the good in every situation, and when I do get down it's usually of my own doing. By that I mean I have so many ideas and plans and dreams; they start as seeds within my core and they sprout, and stretch and grow and cover every inch of my being and yet somehow I just can't bring myself to follow through on what it takes to reach where I envision myself being, and I can feel this living breathing desire that's become such a part of who I am-or who I want to be rather-slowly start to weaken and break apart, leaving emptiness in it's wake. Over dramatic? Maybe. But it's the realest thing I can think of to describe what it feels like to want so many things and know the only damn thing standing between you and 'it' is yourself. I get discouraged by people, by society as a whole. Not to say I am a pessimist in any sense-I believe in the power of people and what good we could accomplish if we all actually made it happen. but more than that really, I am discouraged by our blind faith in what we're taught we should 'want' and  'need', the things in which we are raised to believe are of highest importance, and most of all- that most of us are aware of how warped society has become and we choose to turn a blind eye to it rather than acknowledge it. I try to cope with who and what I can't control by being the best person I can be, because the truth is I'm guilty of it too. I worry too much about things that are out of my reach. It's hard to keep your head above the nonsense and stay balanced with all that's going on in the world today. But the biggest inspiration for me, the biggest light in all this darkness, is to see that people are starting to fight back. People are starting to stand for what is right, to take our power back, to group together and spread the 'change for good' from one person to the next, until the goodness itself is planted, and it stretches grows and reaches out to every being on this planet and it shakes us to the core until we finally realize it's time to make the possibility of a thriving and beautiful future a palpable reality.

enough of that rant.
things just got real.

In all seriousness, even though I've been in a funk this week (one part depressed over mankind two parts being disgustingly ill) I really have been amazed by the kindness of people. How amazingly understanding people can be, how much you can find in common with someone you would have never expected to get along with, how you can have fun doing absolutely nothing with the right people, how supportive, driven, stubborn, hilarious, adventurous, encouraging, sarcastic, and over all awesome people can be. So yeah. there ya go. I ended this rather delusional drag on of a post on a positive note. Two points for the sick girl.

OH, and I have LOTS of things in the works. BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY LOTS. I do not use that word lightly. Let me emphasize just for those of you who are still doubting me...LLLL OOOO TTTT SSS. K enough monkey biznisss. Stay tuned for updates and photo shoots and exciting new shtuffff.

p.s.

did I mention I think you're awesome? well in any case, I dooo.

xxSEA