oh well

this song pretty much sums it up.

 

xxsea

CANDY G!RL

 

You guuuuyyssss, I'm in a Jeffrey Campbell lookbook! I still can't really believe it so excuse my nerd-out for a moment. These photos were taken last time I was visiting home in California (mid October) and I got to work with the most amazing team of people
(we got to adventure around on the beach for the day-no complaints here).

 

In other news, I am currently home in California again. Been spending lots of time with my family (both human and furry), walking on the beach, and journaling. I am trying to use this time wisely-to turn inward, get to know myself again, learn and grow.

 

Hope you're all doing great~*~*
I know I can't complain about coming from 15 degrees and snow to this 80 degree magic paradise I am lucky enough to call home.

 

xxSea

all mixed up

(wearing: thrifted sweater and striped button up, leggings c/o choies, demonia creepers, ebayed sunglasses from my boyfriend)

 

 

just a quick outfit post from my cave of blankets (these photos were taken a week or so a go). choies just sent me these leggings (as well as the amazing button up seen here) and I am obsessed. they confuse people so much, which makes them even better in my book- "what do those say? what's that sign there on the bottom?" I sure as heck don't know but I love them all the more for it. side note, it's getting colder here by the day and I'm not handling it very well. let's just say I am very much looking forward to my next venture to a warmer climate-and in the mean time I'll just be living under a pile of blankets drinking coffee by the pot.

 

xxsea

a little less than a human being

all photos from tumblr


thought I'd share a mini playlist of songs I've been listening to non stop lately.


1. A Fond Farewell- Elliot Smith cover by Errol Wilson (my bff/cousin/brother, and this cover is seriously too good)
2. you wish you were red- trailer trash tracys
2. rosa- grimes
3. be a body- grimes
4. buzzcut season- lorde
*I have all of the songs above on my tumblr playlist- you can hear them here: sea of dreamers
5. people are strange- the doors
6. riders on the storm- the doors
7. godless- the dandy warhols
8. mohammed- the dandy warhols
9. i wrote in blood- still corners
10. ode to my family- the cranberries
11. my god is the sun- queens of the stoneage


xxsea

every part of me says, go ahead

(wearing: vintage coat & corduroy bell bottoms,  thrifted tee and sweater, e-bayed sunglasses from my boyfriend, necklaces from my mom & brother)

 

oh lifeeeee, why you move so fast girl?! my brain is fumbling for words today so I'm gonna keep it short. found these bell bottoms at a local thrift store a couple weeks back and started doing a happy dance and making excited 'eeeeeeeheeeeheee' noises. people in this town just don't appreciate the joy thrifting brings to the heart and soul guyz! they all wanna shop at, like, the mall. or dick's sporting goods. or wal mart. and that's just fine with me...
I WANT ALL OF THE VINTAGE. ALLLLLLLL.

which leads me to my next topic

my etsy will be up & running again within the week and I'll be adding lots of cool shtufffff so be sure to check back for updates!

 

 

also, you're all awesome.

 

xxSEA

veins full of disappearing ink

thought..
am I emotionally self destructive?
I know I am (overly) sensitive and introspective,
but I am beginning to wonder whether my seemingly constant emotional struggle may be, in part, of my own doing. I'm starting to wonder if there is a part of me that craves the confusion, the hurting, and building it all back up again. I have this deep desire to feel everything to it's highest of highs and lowest of lows. When I love, I love with every ounce of myself. And when I've reached a wall, I find myself feeling lost and overwhelmed and I can't stop obsessing until I've found a new path of opportunity and experience that brings new life to my spirit. I am overwhelmed by a lot. Society being a huge part of that. What it tries, and a lot of the time-succeeds- to turn us in to. With this darkness crowding my skull, I've found that I am observing and listening more. But I have also been questioning (to a fault) everything I experience and feel. Is it true? Is it sincere? so many why's. My heart is pulling me in so many directions, I know I wont feel content until I stop ignoring it's rhythmic whispers.

xxsea

dark dayz

 

(wearing: LNA cut out sweater, black undershirt T by Alexander Wang {stolen from my boyfrennn}, vintage Levi's cut into shorts, thrifted boots,
diy choker with cross from my grandma, crystal necklace from my mama, vintage rosary)

 

So I'm bracing myself for my second Michigan winter. It hasn't even dropped below 40 yet and it's already TOO MOTHER EFFIN COLD. And dark. It get's dark at like six, and I go into straight up hibernation mode and walk around swaddled in blankets with flannel pajama pants awkwardly half tucked into my boots. every once in a while I ( reluctantly) wear real clothes though. the funny thing is I get less strange looks in the pajama boot combo previously mentioned than I do in my 'normal clothes'. whatevs.

Also, as I know I have mentioned before- the thrift stores here are seriously too good to be true. I got these boots at volunteers of America for literally 2 dollars. Just one of many coveted finds. My boyfriend got me a computer for my birthday (YIPEEEEKAAAAYAAAYYYY)
 so I will finaaaalllly  be posting some of my best finds on my etsy.
I'm finally getting my shit together yallllll

xxSea

collars and music and stuff

(wearing: button up c/o choies, thrifted skirt, vintage shoes, vintage polaroid sunglasses from my boyfriend)

 

It's either invisible brows or super bold brows for me lately, nothin inbetween. How perfect is this top?! Choies sent it to me a couple of weeks a go and I've been layering it under sweaters obsessively. I've become extremely fond of collared shirts. And layering. It's been so frrrikin cold lately I make whimpering noises when I step outside in my 3000 layers and it's not even near the worst of it yet.

 

I've been taking a lot more photos lately, now it's just a matter of posting them.

 

other things:

I've become totally obsessed with haim, 

here's some of their stuff cause it's awesome.

(and so are they-and they're sisters!! I miss my sisters so much :/)

 

 

 

 

xxsea

heart&soul

I've been finding it very difficult to write honestly and candidly for some time now. Since I can remember, journaling has always been my way of releasing pent up thoughts and emotions. At times I've wondered if there is something wrong with me, the way I feel things to such extremes. The way I'm so shaken by all of the chaos in this big crazy world. I feel much more at peace when I'm in the habit of letting all of my questions, confusion, and excitement flood the weathered pages of a well worn diary. I spend so many moments letting my fingers and eyes trace the memories of my past, trying to remember not to forget each heartache and happiness. For me, it's a means to heal and grow. I feel like things have changed so rapidly and so completely, I've been playing catch up and have felt a bit lost amidst it all, and it frightens me; the absence of feeling. I feel frightened that I will lose those gentle things within myself. The things that once made me feel so separate from most people are now the parts of myself that I realize are the most genuine and rare. My sensitivity and intuition, and the love I feel for the people in my life that is so strong and overwhelming it leaves my heart feeling raw. I wake in the night teary eyed, yearning for the people and places that feel so far away. But then I fold into the warmth of Brandon at my side and I'm reminded of just how lucky I am. our love has grown and transformed just as we have. He is home and familiarity, and his embrace quiets my restless mind. He holds me close when I have a bad dream and I tuck my face into the nape of his neck listening to his heartbeat, and it fills me with the reassurance and love I once felt as a child when my parents would sing me to sleep. We both struggle to find our bearings and feel rooted in our new home. We have so many plans and ideas, we've just been too distracted to see them through to fruition. The way of life here is so different than what I'm used to, I get frustrated and a lot of the time, very upset. I do find solace in the slower pace, how people seem to live without the anxious urgency of los angeles. But at times, it also seems as if people are in a mass state of apathy; and the lack of creativity, diversity, and open-mindedness has been extremely prevalent and extremely depressing. That's not to say I haven't met some really amazing, down to earth people here; I've made a few life long friends and my boyfriend's family members have all been so kind and open with me, I've really been blessed and I try to remind myself of that whenever I'm feeling the urge to disconnect. When it all seems like too much and I feel the familiar tug that comes from the inside out to retreat within myself, I go for long drives down the highway that weaves in and out of cornfields and forest. I breathe deeply and try to be present, taking in all the beauty and trying to mirror it back out to the earth in thanks. The mornings are cold and dark, and it's hard to force myself out of the soft safe place between Brandon and our sweet bed hog of a dog Monroe. I sit and draw and sip coffee while I daydream of all the places Brandon and I will travel to, all we will feel and experience. I remind myself of what's important, I try to learn from every challenging situation, I try to be kind, loving, and patient with everyone. Most of all, I remind myself that love and family comes first and foremost, and as Brandon and I learn to love each other more openly and generously- it makes our life together shine like gold and all the ugliness is forgotten.

 

xxSea

wake up

 

life has been a blur of places, sounds and thoughts lately. I've been caught up in the motion of it all and feel as if my tethers are coming a bit loose. I have so many dreams and desires that wake me from my sleep. my inner voice, usually so strong, has been diminished to a whisper. I feel far away from everything I know, and that makes it harder. I like the challenge. I like forcing myself into an uncomfortable place so that I may grow and learn. but what comes next? most things feel like a temporary distraction from the bigger picture, but it's like I'm looking too closely to see things for what they really are. loving someone changes you, both for the good and bad. it's the good moments that I cling to. I feel as if my entire life is on the other side of this locked door, my hands are full of a thousand keys, and I'm trying to find the one that fits. for now, I'm just peeking through the key hole, hoping the search won't wear me away before I get the chance to experience it all.

 

xxsea

DOLLS KILL

photos from Dolls Kill's instagram

 

SOooOOO this past weekend I got back from a short trip home to California. Not only did I get to spend some much needed time with my family (both human and furry) and best friends, but I also had the amazing opportunity to shoot with a couple of my favorite companies- one of which was Dolls Kill...probably my favorite online shop ever. My sister, two of my closest friends and I drove to San Francisco and back IN A DAY. Not our brightest idea ever but it was an adventure nonetheless and getting to work with the people over at Dolls Kill made it well worth the journey.

 

It reeeeaaallly sucked leaving my family and friends, but coming home to my boyfriend and our dog baby just as the leaves started to change color was so nice. This is my first time experiencing a REAL fall season, and I love everything about it MINUS the mother effin cold weather. It snowed yesterday for about five minutes and I could have cried; but there are so many awesome haunted houses and corn mazes here, it's Halloween heaven.

 

xxSea

deep thoughts on overalls

(wearing: vintage ck striped crop, thrifted overalls, vintage hat,

lacey socks from the dollar tree, vintage shoes)

 

overalls are the best. this particular pair I found at salvation army in my home town years ago. since I've been in Michigan I've come across quite a few gems (as the thrift/charity shops are much less picked through here) and I find myself justifying each purchase as my collection grows and grows. 'they fit perfectly!' 'I will love them forever' 'you rock gurl you deserve it' 'only two dollars?! it would be a crime to turn your back on a two dollar pair of lime green short overalls even if they are 10 sizes too big!' and the inner dialogue continues. however, the reality of it is I am lazy and I like to be comfortable and overalls are the perfect answer to these two challenges.

 

some life updates:

my friend gave me an under shave a few weeks back (comes up to my ears from my neck), it has helped to ease my random impulses to shave my head entirely and also makes having a pony tail ten times more fun

 

I have been really bad about my diet lately, I have always had an issue with sugar (aka I have an addiction to ice cream, baked goods, and extra sweet coffee) and I am about to renew my system and start feeding my body the stuff it needs and deserves. finding organic produce is much harder where I am living now, but I am up for the challenge.

 

my best friend is a dog

 

PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING IS STARTING TO APPEAR AT THE STORES.

 aka my favorite time of year is upon us.

 

and besides that, I've taken to sitting around in pjs watching my favorite office episodes and funny animal videos on youtube while eating donuts....ugh. this self health intervention is gurnna be huurd.

 

 

xxSea