thought..
am I emotionally self destructive?
I know I am (overly) sensitive and introspective,
but I am beginning to wonder whether my seemingly constant emotional struggle may be, in part, of my own doing. I'm starting to wonder if there is a part of me that craves the confusion, the hurting, and building it all back up again. I have this deep desire to feel everything to it's highest of highs and lowest of lows. When I love, I love with every ounce of myself. And when I've reached a wall, I find myself feeling lost and overwhelmed and I can't stop obsessing until I've found a new path of opportunity and experience that brings new life to my spirit. I am overwhelmed by a lot. Society being a huge part of that. What it tries, and a lot of the time-succeeds- to turn us in to. With this darkness crowding my skull, I've found that I am observing and listening more. But I have also been questioning (to a fault) everything I experience and feel. Is it true? Is it sincere? so many why's. My heart is pulling me in so many directions, I know I wont feel content until I stop ignoring it's rhythmic whispers.
xxsea
I used to think that it's a scorpio-thing, and I sorta blamed being born in November for the main reason to my hypersensitivity. When I was younger, I created stories in my head, trying to make my life more mysterious than it was in reality, to give everything in my life a symbolic meaning. Now that I'm no longer a child it dosen't seem so uncomplicated. The stories developed into overthinking, paying attention to every detail, every geasture, giving everything a reason, a deeper meaning. I cannot imagine having another approach to life. Sadly there was a time when I looked down on people, because their thoughts seemed so simple to guess (in opposite to mine, i thought) Sometimes i stil catch my self categorising people I met into 2D-people vs. 3D-people. Not a good habit... When you put so much of your emotions into achieving your goals, the failure may seem like the end of the world. But on the other hand the thought of living my life in the "nothing-really-matters-way" seems too sad. The nihilism always scared me.
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