inbetween

   My room has been feeling emptier. Can't explain it. Everything echoes. voices, music, memories. Repeats over and over until I am blinded by a blur of faces and images and colors. It's like when I am alone, I am in a trance, a dream like presence. Everything that throbs and pangs with emotion is beyond nothing more than a sheath of sheer gauze. Barely masking the familiarity, the loneliness of it. Just enough to remember, not enough to forget. It's kind of nice, strangely. It's like never quite being in touch with reality, always floating slightly above the surface. It's easy to sleep now, easy to dream and paint pretty pictures of something very far away in my head. Fall asleep to the sound of whispers and your own heart beat. Slow, calm, steady. I've been painting, I've been singing. I sing and I sing until my throat goes raw and my eyes grow heavy. I sing to be heard, even if it's only me who's listening. I like the solitude of being caught up in your own thoughts. Even in a room full of people, you feel very isolated and safe. Comfortable. I have drawn myself so far and away from the person I was trying so hard to be, for so very long. It was like a dream, the most vivid of dreams. You see yourself, your earthly self- below you-eyes closed and body still. You reach out but can't feel, can't touch; and suddenly you're flying. Weightless, fearless, beautiful. And you wake up and you are glad to be awake and back in reality, but sad to see such an extraordinary and freeing existence vanish. I feel somewhere in between the two places, here and there. Listening to the sounds of the world around me, watching the light change from morning til night. Feeling the warm and the cold of it, seeing the deep dark and the burning bright. Being here, or there. Wherever I am, I might like to stay a while.

xxSea

photos via tumblr

words written by me

a night of cowboys & lingerie littered ceilings

Photo diary from my good friend Shannon's 22nd Birthday. Twas a night to remember.

xxSEA

Crash&Burn

(wearing: vintage hat, Crash & Burn 'Bardot' top, S.O.S. shredded 'beach rat' wrap, vintage Levi's shorts)

Welp this post title seemed appropriate in more ways than one. First off, the amazing people over at Crash and Burn Apparel sent me this gem of a top. I mean, the color, the cut outs, the drapey-ness..it's just too good. Aaand my hair just happened to match it splendidly. If you haven't checked out their site yet, I definitely recommend it! (OH and did I mention if you enter SEAOFSTYLE at checkout you get 20% off your purchase?! SCHWINGGG. The code is valid til 3/10/12 so shop away lovers.) So many pretty things it makes my eyes hurt. On to the second reason this title is rather appropriate; it applies to my life at the moment. It seems like up until recently I was on a straight course for self destruction. Trying to bottle up so many pent up emotions and feelings and dreams and goals because I was just feeling generally stuck..in every aspect of life. I've been taking some much needed time to clear my head and 'find balance' as I previously mentioned, and it is doing more good for my mental AND physical health than I could have ever imagined. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time and I really can't wait to see how that translates in my work and my creative outlets. There are many exciting things in store for the future, now I just need to learn to have patience!

Oh and Happy Schmalentine's Day. This is my first time being 'alone' on the hallmark holiday in as many years as I can remember...which is cause for celebration am I right or am I right? Bring on the heart shaped pinata and bottomless mimosas!

XXsea

visual.diary

ENTRY.TEN

xxsea

finding.balance

(my new hair!! a collaborative effort by my lovers & hair stylist extraordinaires Lulu Golden & Heather Rose Harris)

I'm here. I have not disappeared completely, although some days it sure feels that way. I apologize for my lack of presence and posting on the blog. I've taken a little hiatus to find balance and to cut through the bullshit (excuuuuse the language) in my life. We all have those days, and lately I've just had more of them than usual, and all one after the other. Change is hard, and scary. Especially for someone like me who likes routine and normalcy in life. I'm just starting to realize it's not until you throw yourself into a really uncomfortable or unfamiliar situation that you can really figure yourself out. I promise to be back to posting as usual (if not MORE than usual) very very soon. Once I clear my head, I'm sure my posts will be less monotonous and more substantial anyways. Finding balance is a constant struggle, but I'm getting there! In the mean time, I thought I would pass along a special treatttt for all you guyss from the people over at Crash & Burn Apparel. They have extended a special discount for all of my blog readers! Just head on over to their site and enter SEAOFSTYLE at checkout & voila- 20% off your order! Awesomeness. I know it sounds too good to be true but it is nothin but truth mah friends.

OHH, and I promiiiiiise to update you on the status of S.O.S.'s launch soooon! Lot's of exciting things are just around the corner...now if only I can get there without anymore unexpected hurtles popping up.

xxSEA