wake up

 

life has been a blur of places, sounds and thoughts lately. I've been caught up in the motion of it all and feel as if my tethers are coming a bit loose. I have so many dreams and desires that wake me from my sleep. my inner voice, usually so strong, has been diminished to a whisper. I feel far away from everything I know, and that makes it harder. I like the challenge. I like forcing myself into an uncomfortable place so that I may grow and learn. but what comes next? most things feel like a temporary distraction from the bigger picture, but it's like I'm looking too closely to see things for what they really are. loving someone changes you, both for the good and bad. it's the good moments that I cling to. I feel as if my entire life is on the other side of this locked door, my hands are full of a thousand keys, and I'm trying to find the one that fits. for now, I'm just peeking through the key hole, hoping the search won't wear me away before I get the chance to experience it all.

 

xxsea

DOLLS KILL

photos from Dolls Kill's instagram

 

SOooOOO this past weekend I got back from a short trip home to California. Not only did I get to spend some much needed time with my family (both human and furry) and best friends, but I also had the amazing opportunity to shoot with a couple of my favorite companies- one of which was Dolls Kill...probably my favorite online shop ever. My sister, two of my closest friends and I drove to San Francisco and back IN A DAY. Not our brightest idea ever but it was an adventure nonetheless and getting to work with the people over at Dolls Kill made it well worth the journey.

 

It reeeeaaallly sucked leaving my family and friends, but coming home to my boyfriend and our dog baby just as the leaves started to change color was so nice. This is my first time experiencing a REAL fall season, and I love everything about it MINUS the mother effin cold weather. It snowed yesterday for about five minutes and I could have cried; but there are so many awesome haunted houses and corn mazes here, it's Halloween heaven.

 

xxSea

deep thoughts on overalls

(wearing: vintage ck striped crop, thrifted overalls, vintage hat,

lacey socks from the dollar tree, vintage shoes)

 

overalls are the best. this particular pair I found at salvation army in my home town years ago. since I've been in Michigan I've come across quite a few gems (as the thrift/charity shops are much less picked through here) and I find myself justifying each purchase as my collection grows and grows. 'they fit perfectly!' 'I will love them forever' 'you rock gurl you deserve it' 'only two dollars?! it would be a crime to turn your back on a two dollar pair of lime green short overalls even if they are 10 sizes too big!' and the inner dialogue continues. however, the reality of it is I am lazy and I like to be comfortable and overalls are the perfect answer to these two challenges.

 

some life updates:

my friend gave me an under shave a few weeks back (comes up to my ears from my neck), it has helped to ease my random impulses to shave my head entirely and also makes having a pony tail ten times more fun

 

I have been really bad about my diet lately, I have always had an issue with sugar (aka I have an addiction to ice cream, baked goods, and extra sweet coffee) and I am about to renew my system and start feeding my body the stuff it needs and deserves. finding organic produce is much harder where I am living now, but I am up for the challenge.

 

my best friend is a dog

 

PUMPKIN FLAVORED EVERYTHING IS STARTING TO APPEAR AT THE STORES.

 aka my favorite time of year is upon us.

 

and besides that, I've taken to sitting around in pjs watching my favorite office episodes and funny animal videos on youtube while eating donuts....ugh. this self health intervention is gurnna be huurd.

 

 

xxSea

 

 

dear self,

remember that difficult times are never permanent, with each passing moment we get a step closer towards a new day, new opportunity, and a chance to begin again. everything is truly illuminated, if you are willing to actually see (and not just look). refresh your mind, listen to your intuition, and have hope. treat others with understanding and compassion. grow. live fully. have patience with experiences that test your limits. overcome, and be true to yourself. love others as you wish to be loved. kiss with promise and meaning, free your heart when it is time for a new chapter,
and always,
always
remember who you are.

xx

insta.visual.diary

sadly, I really don't update my blog nearly as much as I would like to (hoping to change that soon) but I DO update my instagram all the time.

here are some images I've posted over the past few weeks as well as a short video of one of the many crazy storms we've been having. 

instagram: @seaghna

 

 

fitting out

since childhood, I've felt this extreme pressure from society (as many of us have) to 'fit in'. when I was younger and hadn't yet overcome my intense shyness and social anxiety (or atleast gotten really good at pretending I have) this urge to feel 'part of the crowd' or to look a certain way, act a certain way, BE a certain way- was overwhelming. It wasn't until I was about twenty one that I started not giving a shit. that's not to say I'm never affected by the judgments others cast upon me. I'm a human being- and a very sensitive one at that- so of course there are times where I let the thoughts and actions of others affect me more than I would like them to. however, the older I get, the more I pride myself in not blending in and losing my individuality amongst the masses, being myself- unapologetically. NOT fitting in, but 'fitting out'. since moving to a small town in the midwest, I've gotten a large dose of the reality that a LOT of people SUCK. they suck because they judge people based solely on appearance and don't care to know you beyond their preconceived notion of who they think you might be. 'fitting in' is of great importance to most people here (and sadly, most places). and sorry, but I'm not sorry for not giving two shits about that. It's a blessing and a curse in that it's the ultimate test of my ability to rise above ignorance, unwarranted judgment, and staying true to my weird, emotional, awkward self. going to the grocery store has even become a spectacle, and with each glare I receive and childish whispering and gawking I witness, I get just a little better at shrugging it off. fitting out is something we should pride ourselves in. we should never have to think twice about being ourselves, whoever that may be. and you slowly begin to realize the more you apply this mindset to your life, the more like-minded, funny, intelligent, and unapologetically weird people you will attract; and the more unexpectedly colorful and strangely beautiful your life will become. FIT OUT FOR LIFE FRIENDS!

ghostofyou

 

(wearing thrifted tee, vintage/diy skirt, vintage boots)

 

I had forgotten about these photos until I was scanning through my camera the other day. They were some of the last photos I took while I was back in California. Life has suddenly switched into fast mode and seems to pass by with record speed. Though I have been neglecting my blog in the midst of moving and starting a new job (and really-a new life) I have found myself journaling and drawing more than ever. I hope to share more of that here.

 

Last night I wasn't feeling very well (a combination of rampant hormones and sinus congestion) and my boyfriend has been sick all week so we were both watching Netflix in bed with a candle burning. I was tossing and turning trying to fall asleep with the sound of a wild thunder storm raging outside. I've always been one to hide under the covers during bouts of crazy lightning and thunder, but for the first time in my life, I recognized the beauty and peace that comes with a storm. within minutes I was dreaming vividly, as I have been so often lately.

 

life truly is beautiful. especially the storms.

 

xxsea